by Jennifer on April 19, 2016

Many people seek out help from a coach with a desire to overcome:  their weight; their body; their relationship; their divorce; their heartbreak; their children; their debt, their career or lack thereof; their religion; their mistakes; their depression; their family of origin, their abuse, or their sexual trauma.

How do I know this? I wanted to overcome all of the above. I was stuck in the overcoming box for a long time.  It was a heavy burden to carry and it was insurmountable.  Because while I was saying I wanted to overcome, what I really wanted to do was erase. I wanted to hit the delete button….a lot.  So I was stuck; stuck in the no man’s land of never passing go, while living in fear and regret, and paying a lot of money in order to “fix” myself.  I was never successful at fixing myself either, because what I truly wanted was a do over button, say, from July 18, 1969. The odds were not in in my favor.

What happened instead? I overcame the desire to overcome.

I decided to accept the fact that the only way I could be on this earth was to accept that my life had happened exactly as it was supposed to up to the current moment. The weight, the body, the lifetime relationship that did not last a lifetime, the hurt my decision to leave my marriage caused my children, my debt, my career mistakes, my mistreatment of others, my depression, and all manners of abuse that scarred my childhood – it all happened and God did not have a sick sense of humor. This acceptance takes work; anyone who says it does not, please run away as fast as you can.  There is a reason that AA has as its fourth step the taking of a personal inventory and making amends, when possible.  It’s powerful work.

This does not mean that every possible wrong needs to be exposed and confronted; if that is required, a good therapist is needed.  What it does mean is learning to be comfortable with the emotions rising up in your body and relaying the stories about what you are making the past mean in the present.  You may need to tag-team the felt sensations in your body and your past-present stories for a long time.  To fast forward through this work only means you are short-changing your future.  To hurry through this work means you will be running on the hamster wheel of overcoming; you will always be moving, but never going anywhere.

While working on overcoming, the desire for a better present and future is strong.  However, since most of your energy is spent on hiding and pretending, there is little to no energy to work on your present or future.  Once you let go of your desire to overcome, you will find you have more time and energy to spend on crafting a present and future worthy of you.

If the desire to overcome resonates with you, please schedule an appointment to talk about how we may work together.

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